Blog Week 11 - Public Speaking

Public speaking as an extroverted introvert...

I've always seemed to my friends and colleagues as an outgoing and confident person, which I think I am, but it's a complex thing the old internalised self-image. Since I was young I was forced to stand up in front of crowds and sing songs to strangers: on busses in Japan, at primary school assemblies, at extended family gatherings and the list goes on; my mother would coerce me to perform because "you have such a beautiful voice", but behind my only slightly nervous eyes lay a vast sea of embarrassment and fear. By the time my early teens came around I think those dancing monkey routines had stripped me of all ability to feel shame, leaving me shameless and unshamable. This was a good and bad thing. One one hand I wasn't afraid to speak my mind and share how I really felt about certain things, from sexuality to art; religion to politics but on the other hand I lacked tact and was contrary purely for the sake of a good argument; I didn't really care what people thought of me. You'd think that would make the beginnings of a good public speaker, well so did I.

Some of the first actual public speaking I did was in the form of the ubiquitous school speech. In typical style I didn't prepare (I didn't even had a topic) and attempted to wing it. I was terrible and most of my fourth form class let me know rather harshly. I had become very much used to being pushed out on a stage or bus aisle to give a wilting rendition of Michael Jackson's "Ben" but put me on the spot with no material and a tough crowd I become a dry-mouthed ghost; pale, clammy and silent. I did take away some positives from this experience though. I vowed never to participate in arbitrary speech competitions again and if I was to speak in front of people in any formal capacity that I would prepare. I didn't shy away from crowds though, during my years at high school I performed in every school production (including taking the lead role as Jesus in my seventh form year's performance of Godspell), played in bands at Rockquest and even did some out of school theatre. If I had material and I was comfortable with it I could deliver it without any issue.

After I left school I attended what is now called the Music and Audio Institute of New Zealand (MAINZ)  to do a certificate in audio engineering and from that course I launched my career as a music producer and audio engineer. I did fairly well in the industry as around ten years later I was asked back to give guest lectures, my first one just generally about being a "somewhat successful" past student but following lectures covered topics sampling and then synthesis. In the early 2000's as a "somewhat successful" musician/producer I would frequently end up being interviewed for radio or TV but in those situations you are really just being lead to answer questions you're comfortable answering (you are the world's only expert on yourself), my first lecture was very much like this. About a year later I arrived for my second guest lecture on sampling feeling mentally prepared (meaning I'd gone over a vague set of topics in my head on the ferry into town that morning) but as soon as I got into the classroom and began to present... dry mouth, clammy and awkward. I got through everything I'd "prepared" for the hour long lecture in a manic five minutes of sweaty ranting. It was awful most of the twenty or so students let me know by the looks on their faces.

The last lecture I gave on synthesis a year or so after that went much smoother because I'd learned to prepare adequately. I'd spent a day writing down topics to cover, even practising how to explain some of the trickier concepts and I completely avoided the panicked feverish delivery of the previous presentation. From memory I rolled out a forty or so minute long spiel about different forms of synthesis, their strengths, weaknesses, applications and then took questions from the students. I was confident because I was prepared and I was practised; just like it works in music and in theatre.